Ramblings of a broken man.

Do I lack communication skills? I must not be doing something right because I have no ability to channel my feelings, thoughts, and/or emotions to other people. This is why I am not very open with other people. I can't do it. I fail at talking to people. Fantastic listener, but I cannot communicate to others. Every second of my life I feel like no one understands me, how I think, how my mind processes things, how I draw conclusions, how I am affected by things... etc. But, is that mearly because I fail at communicating that to other people?

Which leads to where I am now. Where I don't talk to people. I bog things up in my mind and when that over flows I blow up. But I never go to anyone. I don't want to be a burden to anyone else. I don't want my problems to be anyone else's. I know Bailey yells at me for this. A LOT. Oh well. That is how I work. I keep things to myself. I hate it because once I have had enough and open up to people I naturally lash out and make people get really mad at me. More failing. Which leads me back to where I was before. I seriously don't think there is a human being on the planet able to handle me. I can't openly communicate with anyone without ever making somebody upset. I can't explain things to people in a way that won't make them rip my head off. Alas, I just accept my failure as part of life and something I will never ever be able to do correctly.

I keep finding myself either mentally driving myself off a bridge or over people that make me mad. Either way. I am driving. Driving myself nuts. Work makes me realize how stupid humanity is. I don't think I heard a single person pronounce "Herb" right today. Go humanity. English (1), Humanity (0). The language has conquered its own people. Heck. I had a co-worker not even know what humanity meant. *hits head* I don't even know what to say anymore. I love how every customer that walks into Subway assumes they know the prices better than I do. Heck, they DON'T EVEN LOOK at the prices. How are they supposed to know prices better if they don't look? "Sorry sir, that is one of our $6.75 subs and not a $5 footlong." "WHAT?!?!?! #!#^!$@#$^@^@^@##!$#@^$$^&%#$% [subtle explicts]" Yeah... welcome to my life. Doesn't help that I work at a job where everyone can do whatever the heck they want and get away with it. AKA. Not their job. I wish I had some authority around there, I would change so many things!

Why do we watch scary movies? For the thrill? I would be thrilled to NOT watch the movie. Why do we mess with fear? Fear is something that we use to survive. Something that through many years we have used to protect ourselves. So why do we pursue unleashing that instinct? I think it isn't really entertaining. Comedy is way more entertaining. Whatever. I think the idea of scary movies at stupid. Count me out.