Exposed!

Finally I am doing something that I should have done something long ago. I feel like no one really knows who I am for a few people. I tend to spread out the different parts of my life among my friends. Not everyone knows everything. My friends form a puzzle of parts of my life that can only be completed together.

Finally! Scott Exposed!

See my life is really easy to explain. It consists of three portions that battle it out.
My past. My future. Who I want to be.

Where do I start?

Well, lets start with who I want to be.
Growing up I always wanted to be a hero. That was my childhood dream. I didn't want to be a firefighter or in the military. I wanted to save the world. I wanted to be remembered. I wanted my great grandchildren to be telling stories of my life. All that jazz....
Then I got to the point where I am now, I am not a hero. Jesus Christ is my hero. He saves the world with His Blood. Now I am nothing more than a slave... but a slave in Christ! Knowing this is always in conflict with my life dream. I must be sick and twisted because for some odd reason I tend to look forward to peoples problems and  struggles because I always want to be the one that comes through and saves the day. I don't understand how my mind operates or takes this. Meh.

I always want after college is over for my friends to remember me. And remember me as funny, always smiling, never running out of energy, being the best friend... Yet why is it that I am none of these things? My jokes are funny. Not me. Making plays on words is easy. Why do you think I can do it? I never smile as much as I would like. Maybe it is because I am ALWAYS depressed. I have struggled with it my whole life. Now here is where my past comes in. I have always had problems with depression. The people that I hung out with the most growing up were the kids that beat me up everyday. You can imagine that did wonders on the morale. I had a rough time in junior high. I contemplated suicide in 8th grade and got closer to it than I wanted. Jolly good time. I struggled to find close friends throughout high school. I have like 2 that come to mind that I am still close to. I have been very broken. I can't really post anything else about my past because there are so many things about my life that I don't feel comfortable posting on the interweb. (don't know who will read this and I don't want to mention names)

I have also concluded that I have a strange taste for physical attraction. I am way more attracted to a cute girl than I am to what the world considers a "hot babe." Ick. Gross. I can't stand makeup. Problem with how God made you? I don't think anyone on this planet could ever understand how much more I like a girl that doesn't wear makeup often. You don't have to dress up to impress me. You have to make me like you for who you are. That is attractive. A girl that believes she is beautiful will be beautiful.
So what? Am I wrong? Or am I the only doing it right?

I hate making blog posts like this because it just sounds like I want everyone's pity. Which is pathetic. If you think that then you don't know me. It is just what is on my mind now.

God Bless You.